"Give Me Something To Believe"

It's a little late to be making New Year's Resolutions. I realize that.
However, I didn't go out of my way to make any when the New Year rolled on in ... and honestly, I haven't really thought about what I wanted to aim for, what I was shooting for, what goals I wanted to have ... until just recently.
So, I guess this post is about resolutions.
But, more than that, it's about passion. Dreams. Potential. And believing in yourself and what you can become.

I've done a lot of self-reflection lately. A lot of late nights tossing and turning, worrying about so many things that don't mean a thing in the end. A lot of disagreeing and wanting to argue, but, in the end, trusting the Bible when it said that the greatest thing, the thing that lasts ... is love. Being let down by that in one regard ... but completely uplifted in another. A lot of thinking and feeling and conflictions within myself. A lot of self-doubt. A lot of wondering what I am to become. A lot of talking to friends and family and God and myself. A lot of smiling when I just wanted to lay down and ... not.

Lately, I feel a lot better. I won't get into details because Lord knows I've spent enough time focused on those ... but lately I feel like I'm won some sort of battle within myself. I feel like I can stand up and believe in myself and who I can be.
I have to say that without the Lord, I wouldn't be breathing as calmly as I am at this moment. Without my friends, my mind wouldn't be at as rest as it is now. Without my horses, my body wouldn't be as relaxed, as peaceful. And without my music, my tongue wouldn't be as quiet as it is at this second.
I also owe a lot to the organization To Write Love On Her Arms in some respects. Through my little journey of self-discovery that I've been on lately, I've found comfort and solace in their message. Reading their blogs, looking at their pictures, remembering their mission ... it made me a little stronger. If you haven't yet, I really encourage you to click the link I just posted and give love a chance.

As I wrote that statement - "give love a chance" - I realized just how relevant it was to what I've come to know lately. I know I didn't make it up; the phrase has been coined time and again for various reasons. I wrote it a moment ago thinking it sounded nice in context and poetic and would maybe make my reader stop and ponder it for a little bit. I didn't realize I'd be the one stopping to think about it. Because giving love a chance is exactly what I've come to do lately; love for myself.

I keep elaborate on that but, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not going to do that. So, I will get right along to my Resolutions.

The main theme for my Resolutions revolved around a dream come true.

I'll never forget opening and issue of my Modern Arabian Horse magazine many months ago - in the middle of the summer, probably. I don't remember exactly. But I remember this was right when the reality of my going to Sport Horse Nationals was settling in ... the reality that what I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl was finally going to happen for me.
I remember flipping through the pages of the magazine, taken aback by the breathtaking full-page color photos of gorgeous Arabian and Half-Arabian horses ... just being completely overwhelmed by this world I was being consumed by.
And suddenly, toward the back of the issue, a full-page ad in elegant green caught my eye. A gorgeous bay hunter was clearing a fence, with a National Champion rose garland hung around his neck, the Champion plaque catching in the arena lights. Above the fabulous image was the catch phrase for the ad, which declared the dates for the U.S Sport Horse National Championships, 2008. The short phrase was powerful, a challenge ...

Raise Your Own Bar.

This year, in 2009, I'm going to raise my own bar. My main and most powerful Resolution is to become the best I can be. I plan on meeting this goal in several different ways ...

Become a better student. I know, I know. My grades are already nearly as high as possible. I'm already taking courses many students wouldn't attempt. Not to mention next year, I'll be taking courses part-time at the local community college (assuming my qualifying test scores pass; fingers crossed. Test day is the 17th of February). However ... I feel I can do a little more still. I feel I can push myself even harder. Let's make those A-'s into A+'s, and let's get that pesky B+ to an A-, at least. I believe I have the capacity ... now let's find the motivation.

Become a better equestrian. My heart really wanted to list this before being a better student, but I do have priorities in life, believe it or not. However, one of the things I'm most excited to be doing this year is starting a whole new show season - and I'm bound and determined to make everything I can out of it. I'm willing to go the extra mile to make this season Bob and my best yet. Granted it will also be only our second season together; but I'm ready to make it count. Our first season was all about learning and growth; let's make this one a season of successes. I'm so ridiculously excited to get back in the arena again ... and am already counting down the days until we make the trek to Regina, Saskatchewan for Canadian Nationals.

Become a better person. There are just a lot of little things I want to start doing for myself that I think will make myself a better person. I'm pleased to say that, after not having been in years, I'm luckily getting a chance to attend regular church again with my best friend in the world. I'm really blessed to have this opportunity to worship God again. Besides that, there are just little things I want to make a point of doing ... little things to help me appreciate life a bit more.


Combined, I think all these things will help me become a better ... me.


I'm excited.
I've never made resolutions like this before. I've never set goals for myself like this; not this many, anyway. I've never been so excited for every day that passes.
I'm just really excited about living right now. And it's an amazing feeling.
I dare you all to give it a shot.

On that note;

keep on living
xoxo